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So early this morning i ended up really drunk... not as drunk as i have been... but pretty plastered. Hanging out with russell finally was definately nice. Although i was really drunk he was really helpful. On the car ride we were talking alot about stuff that we were dealing with on a day to day basis; my issues with my father and i feelings against him, his issues with his brother and feelings in reguards to that. We went to the bush, discovered a couple really cool things, i broke something, and we ran from the train, and the vehicle...
This morning i pounded 16 shots. in sets of 8, one after another. first was Captain Morgan Silver rum, The second set was Smirnoff Cranberry twist. You're probobly wondering if i got sick... puked my guts out... all of the above. Right? Well i didnt. I still to this day have never thrown up from drinking too much. I guess i know my limit... or how to find my limit. The first time that i ever got drunk with my sister, i had two beers. A Fat Tyre (german) and a Guiness. From that, to 16 Shots of hard liquer...
I'm pretty supprised at how much i can handle now. It actually freaks me out a bit. But the thing is... if i continue this super distuctive pattern... i'm going to have one hell of a time later in life when i have Tar coated lungs, and a liver on the virge of failing.
What? Tar in my lungs? Not from pot, not atall. I hate weed... Honestly... i wont get on that topic. I've been smoking for almost a year again. And within about 1-2 months that i started smoking again i was up to a pack a day... not too much longer after that... and its 2 packs a day. Lately i havent been able to afford such a pattern, which greatly helps my situation, i've tapered down to about 1/2 to 1/3 a pack a day. However its hard to strech that few cigarettes along the day.
Why the sudden change, why a different view or intent. Well... whenever you get stuck on doing something fun that isnt good for you (which usually it isnt good for you if it is fun) and it takes that little kick to help you realize it enough to do something about it. Lastnight it was russell. I helped him sober up off of pot, and other things that i refuse to mention. Coming previously out of a Pot influanced lifestyle myself i used to tell him how much more you see when you live life sober. All the things that you didnt notice before or you just took for granted you can see much better when you're sober, "life is much more rich when you're sober."
Lastnight russell mentioned that to me he told me how shitty it was to see me in that state, and asked me what happened to my previous state of mind. It was like i completely lost track of what was really important in life. Imean sure i pretty much have a job, i have a car, i'm a full time student in college (starting the 22nd). But thats not really important they'll help me out but its not really what makes things work... Its not the money, its not anything like that... its waking up in the morning and hearing the birds chirp, its watching the sun rise, its watching nature as best as we know it. And i didnt remember that... all i remember about it is that i've seen it and i used to enjoy it... now its 'The suns coming up i need to get to sleep' and wake up when its like dinner time. Fuck that shit.
Sometimes its feels.. like.. predetermined... the coincodences are to great. Well i just love that things happened this way.
I stayed the night at russells house and woke up at about 7:30, but kept my eyes closed till about 8:15-8:30, when i woke up i recieved one of the largest cups of coffee ever. Russ made me a latte. It was yummie, then we had another one, and then we baked a cake (been so long since i cooked/baked anything with russ) had some french toast, played with His baby niece (Robin) fed her bits of my french toast, played with her and watched her for a good couple hours. I didnt think i could play with a child for that long. I didnt think that i would know how to interact... and then i just kinda realized... people know what types of things make a toddler/baby happy and sometimes they're wierd... so whats to be embarrased about. I fooled around... tried a couple things that i have seen russ do, and muff do with other little ones. It kinda helped.. it was nice to focus on something other then "I NEED A FUCKIN CIGARETTE" first thing in the morning or after a meal.
However russ dropped me off, and went to livermore to be with his GF. maybe we'll hang out later.Current Mood:  okay Current Music: Computer Fans, Hard drive clicking, keyboard tatter |
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I've decided after tonight and the help of a friend to realize that i need to quit smoking and drinking.
I'm no longer going to get drunk every night even though i have been drunk every night for the past 5 weeks. although i am currently drunk i decided that i will quit smoking cigarettes and drinking (alcohol ofcourse)
I've realized that it is a huge problem for a long time and i have finally had the help to actually realize that it is an issue. After being drunk for every night for the bast 5-6 weeks, being with my friend (the one that i helped sober up almost 2 years ago) has helped me realize that it is me, who now who has the problem.
if you all keep this issue in mind and help me withit, it would be most appreciated. i love all of my friends and my family too much to fuck up like this any more. On occasion i dont see there to be a problem... but i have surpassed moderation an incredible amount.
again i love you all and i hope that you can help me over-come my issues.
(thank god for my good friend rusell for helping me realize what i need to do.)Current Mood:  drunk Current Music: such great hights - The postal service |
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i thought i woud update because i've got nothing better to do. I'm basically sitting here drunk trying to sober up after a crazy morning... eating my favorite cereal LUCHY CHARMS... yea. what ofit. i love kiddie cereal... if you got something aginst it... fuck you. lol
i love you all and sleep wellCurrent Mood:  calm |
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i'm in the process of drawing out my first tattoos... i will design every single one the tattoos that are carved into my skin and my life. I shall scan the sketches and post them after i have gotten my tattoos.
in the mean time
Just as he hit
The ground
They lowered a tow that
Stuck in his neck to the gills
Fragments of sobriquets
riddle me this
three half eaten corneas
who hit the aureole
Stalk the ground
Stalk the ground
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stained walks crutch in hobbled sway
Auto-da-fé
A capillary hint of red
Only this manupod
Crescent in shape has escaped
The house half the way
Fell empty with teeth
That split both his lips
Mark these words
One day this chalk outline will circle this city
Was he robbed of the asphalt that cushioned his face
A room colored charlatan
Hid in a safe
Stalk the ground
Stalk the ground
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch in hobbled sway
Auto-da-fé
A capillary hint of red
Only this manupod
Crescent in shape has escaped
Pull the pins
Save your grace
Mark these words
On his grave
You should have seen
The curse that flew right by you
Page of concrete
Stain walks crutch in hobbled sway
Auto-da-fé
A capillary hint of red
Everyone knows the last toes are
Always the coldest to goCurrent Mood: focused Current Music: The mars volta |
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I Decided to customize myself tonight.
I pierced my ear with a finishing nail thats aproximately a 12 or a 14 guage.
pictures to come. |
| » Complete Renovation. |
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I have decided that i will keep my livejournal. However, it is now going to have an actual purpose. I will use this livejournal to show my work in relation to customization or fabrication. I would like tips, comments, and all that sort of thing about my work and possibly ideas of what to do next if you chose to offer them (flaming is forbidden, however constructive critisism is more then welcome). Also, if there is something that you like that i have done and you would like to have done, or purchase a specific item/project, You may ask me through my comments thread.
I will also post things in reguards to people that i feel are overlooked, or just miss-understood.
I am always for hire. I am always willing to give my ideas, or tips on how to do some things no matter how simple or complicated. I will try to think of more on my new LJ later.
Thank you all and have a nice day.
May. 24th, 2005 @ 12:23 am
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| » Next car |
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Yep... already thinkin about another car... i like the EK style
hatches... like the 96-00. pimp shit. Right now i'm possibly gettin one
in 'midori green' here is what it looks like...
Aug. 21st, 2004 @ 12:21 am
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This was forwarded to my email address, and i thought it was pretty kool...
( For pics and story click here )
Aug. 17th, 2004 @ 03:38 pm
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| » YEY ALCOHOL |
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yeah... me laura and muffffy are drinking and watchin hell boy... i'll let ya know more later... :-D
Aug. 15th, 2004 @ 03:04 am
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| » House Party!!! |
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Yeah... house party... you all should come... cuz if not then you suck. However, only members of my friends are invited... dont bring anyone unless you ask ahead of time. if you want you can crash here as well... So yes... you all should come.
weeeee... oh... and if you want alky... bring some for all...
Aug. 13th, 2004 @ 05:14 pm
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b18tahtaras's journal